Once again, ESPN columnist Jemele Hill decided to write an over-simplified article with trite soapbox statements.
Ms. Hill wrote that Karl Malone has failed as a father and a man. In addition, she suggested that Al Sharpton organize a protest outside of Karl Malone's house. She went on to state that Roger Clemens' alleged sexual relationship with a 15 year old is nothing compared to what Malone has done.
Karl Malone grew up in Summerfield, Louisiana. Apparently, when he was 19 he had a sexual relationship with a minor who was 13 at the time. The result of this relationship was the birth of a boy by the name of Demetrius Bell. Much to the perseverance and character of Mr. Bell, he became a great student and good basketball player, receiving a scholarship to Northwestern State. Upon arriving, he was enticed to play football due to his size and athleticism (reminiscent of his father). In 2005, he appeared in one game. The next season was the beginning of 22 straight starts. Bell became an All American, a first team All-Southland Conference selection, and now a proud NFL player expected to graduate this spring.
My first thought was, "wow! Look what God can do!" Demetrius' mother could have chosen from a number of options to avoid the responsibility of motherhood in her teenage years. But she chose to assume that responsibility, and from that choice now her son is blessed with a measure of success at a young age.
As I continued to read Ms. Hill's article I thought, "why not highlight Demetrius Bell instead of using this as an opportunity to tear down Malone?"
Reading further, my last thought was, "this is such a misguided, albeit relevant, article."
What are the details of this situation? Was Malone in some way running from everything that he had known to be negative in his life? That "everything" being Summerfield, which is high on poverty and low on success. Was he running from the very thing that drove him to be one of the greatest power forwards ever? One of the details that stands out is that once Malone made it into the NBA, he had the ability and/or resources to be a part of Demetrius Bell's life. Was there something else going on here? It had to be something deeper.
When I consider this story, so many unanswered questions, thoughts and emotions enter my mind. What are we doing as a society to protect our families? What makes a man desert his family? What are we doing as men? Is it a fear of responsibility? Fear of financial bondage? Fear of being controlled? Difficulty to trust that the mother will act upon both the child and father's interests? Fear of a legal system that seems to tear so many families apart? Why would a man or woman walk out on his or her own child?
Is it really as simple as selfishness and a complete disregard for life? These types of situations are rarely that simple, and many times even those involved never fully understand why they do what they do. Perhaps that's why the temptation is so great for bystanders to weigh in with over-simplified judgments about the people involved.
However, I would like to use this situation as an opportunity to focus more attention on the current laws and culture regarding parenting, adoption and abortion.
Morally, it is wrong to neglect anyone, whether it's your child or not. But as a person, it's your right to choose whether or not you want to be in someone's life. Am I saying that Karl Malone was right? No. But he does have the right to choose and he has to live with his choice.
But consider the contradiction in our rules today. If a woman gets pregnant and chooses not to have the child, she can abort, put the child up for adoption, or simply leave it at the hospital. However, if a pregnant woman is assaulted, resulting in the loss of the baby, the assaulter can and will be charged with murder. Furthermore, if a woman is pregnant and is murdered (remember the Laci Peterson case), the assaulter is charged with double murder - murder of both the mother and child.
So why is it that abortion is legal? In one situation it is murder and the other it is simply a "right to choose," without even identifying the baby as a child but rather as a fetus, possibly to remove all emotional ties from the child. If you refer to it as a child rather than a fetus, it would force all involved to conclude that abortion is in fact murder.
However, if a man gets a woman pregnant and doesn't want to be a father, most often he is not given a choice. If she chooses life, his choice will be to either suck it up and take responsibility for that moment of pleasure, or do what Karl Malone apparently did and run the risk of being chased down by a government entity and possibly publicly humiliated. Lucky him, because the woman is left with possibly the most difficult decision she will ever make.
Why would a woman choose to abort? What are we doing as a society, or more specifically as men, to leave a woman with that difficult choice? What are we doing to leave a woman feeling so alone and frustrated that she ultimately chooses death over life? There are plenty of advocates to help a woman choose death - but who will advocate for this new mother if she chooses life? Who will be there for her when she feels as though she can't be a mother? And who speaks for the baby - does the child have a voice?
I would assume that abortion is not a woman's first choice, nor her natural inclination. Rather, it is a culture we have created in which women feel as though this is a viable, or perhaps the only, option. It is a culture that no longer values the importance of children, mothering and, more significantly, fathering. Having a child now represents loss of independence, financial burden, loss of youth, and many other negative concepts. This is the culture our nation has created. You can see it in the statistics, as 95% of all abortions are performed as a means of birth control. Only 1% are performed because of rape. 1% are performed because of fetal abnormalities and 3% due to the mother's health problems. So again, we are failing to reinforce alternate solutions.
Lord help us! We are ALL HYPOCRITES... Oh, how we have failed our mothers. Men, we are failing.
What would it take to provide adequate assistance for mothers to choose life without encouraging the mother and father to fight over finances, custody and other issues that ultimately divide the two most important people in a child's life? When you consider the big business of lawyer fees, court fees and child support collections, you can see how the temptation to abort becomes so strong. In reality, there is big money to be made in out-of-wedlock conceptions. Either by pushing abortions or by charging the non-custodial parent (typically fathers) for the governmental service of enforcing their parental duties.
So why would anyone want to fix this problem? Is there any money to be made in reconciliation? Would the long term benefits of encouraging marriage, teaching financial planning and perhaps providing relationship counseling outweigh the loss of revenue in the child support division? Couldn't the Planned Parenthood employees and lobbyists cross over to encourage life and actually begin to help planning parenthood?
We can do better. This "Pro-Choice" culture is simply not the solution. We need more for our women and children.
Instead of focusing on Karl Malone's mistakes, we need to focus on our own. We need to fix the contradictions in our legal system. Maybe then we can send a message to fathers and mothers that there is no double standard - all will be held equally accountable for life and death. And both will be equal participants without focusing on a dollar amount.
No, Karl Malone shouldn't get a free pass for running from his responsibility of parenting Demetrius Bell. But neither should the 1.2 million women in 2007 who chose to abort their children, nor the men who helped father those 1.2 million fetuses that were aborted.
Lord help us. We all have sinned and fallen short of your glory. We must do better.
Thankfully the mother of Demetrius Bell had the courage to give him a chance at life. Quite possibly we should be writing about her instead of Demetrius or Karl Malone.
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